Cream-Colored Ponies + Crisp Apple Strudels ♥♥

When I got married in November, I had *almost* reached my all-time dream weight of 135 lbs. I was at 140 when I walked down the aisle, and my wedding gown was actually a little big, because I’d lost more weight since my final fitting. At just under 6ft tall, I was pretty thin. I felt great, and I looked even better. :)

During our honeymoon, my husband and I had ALOT of fun, and by that I mean, we ate like crazy! (Among other things, of course.) He gained about 15 lbs, and I gained an actual 10lbs!!! As in, after we got home, and got back to our normal routine, I was still hovering around 150. Not like, the worst thing ever, and definitely not my highest weight, but holy crap it was scary.

The holiday season (my favorite time of year) followed the honeymoon, and with all the eating that comes along with Thanksgiving and Christmas, the extra weight stuck around. I made it my 2012 goal to finally get to that illustrious 135.

Long story short, January, February, and March came and went, and for one reason or another, I was still at 150.

Then came April, and the cruise.

Ugh, the cruise. So so so much fun, but hello! I love food! So how could it not be fun?

When we got back 2 weeks ago, I avoided the scale for a few days - because, you know, it’s not real until you’ve been back to normal for awhile. When I finally braved the scale, I shit you not, I had gained another 10 lbs!!!!! I was up to 160 lbs (still not my highest, but inching up there), and holy hell.

Since then, I’ve been trying really (well, mostly) hard, and I’m down to 157, but seriously. My clothes are tight, and I look gross in everything. Maybe it’s all in my head, but I can actually feel the excess flub in my booty and thighs when I walk around. It’s so depressing.

BUT! I’ve had a few great workouts this week, and I can tell I’m not in that binging mindset anymore, and I’m back to craving fruits and veggies again. Phew! :)

Cheese is the culprit. I am 100% sure. In normal life, I eat completely vegan. However, when it’s a special occasion, or (more often) when I’m drunk and seemingly famished, I rationalize dairy as “not that bad”, and I indulge. This is why I’m fat.

So here it is, my promise to myself: I promise to be better. I promise to lose the weight. And I promise to get myself the body I’ve always dreamed of. The body I deserve.

It would be nice to achieve this in time for summer, but I realize that summer is pretty much already here, so my goal is August 1st. By August 1st, I will be at 135 lbs. Done and done. That’s all there is to it.

To motivate myself, I have created a reward system. None of the rewards are food (win!), and obviously I could just go get these things for myself now, but then I would still be fat.

-153 lbs: Best of Dierks Bentley cd

-Under 150 lbs: The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo on blu-ray (Finally!!)

-145 lbs: New dress

-140 lbs: New bottle of Coco Mademoiselle (My current bottle is dangerously low.)

-135 lbs: New tattoo! (Not sure where or what yet, but I have been craving one for SO long now.)

Now, to make it happen. The only thing that can stop me is myself. And that bitch is not getting in the way this time. ;)

My new job is AWESOME!

Super duper mad love.